Holding onto Hope: Navigating Holiday Stress with Self-Compassion
If you are noticing a growing sense of tension in your chest as the holidays approach, you are certainly not alone. December is considered to be the "most wonderful time of the year." We are sold images of perfectly behaved children, seamless family gatherings, and magical memories. Yet, the reality for most sits in stark contrast to these whimsical ideals. You may be navigating parenting exhaustion, financial distress, job loss, or the strain of navigating difficult family dynamics.
For some, this season unearths even deeper wounds. If you are carrying heavy trauma and grief, the cultural pressure to manufacture "magic" can feel suffocating. It is common to feel a complex mix of shame, fear, and isolation—wondering why everyone else seems to be thriving while you are just trying to survive. Please hear this: It makes sense that you are tired. The hurry and the heaviness you feel are real, and struggling with them does not make you a failure.
When we feel overwhelmed, our internal response is often a sharp turn toward self-criticism.
We each carry an 'inner critic'—that persistent voice that speaks out of our deepest fears and old wounds. For some, it sounds like a relentless demand to do more, buy more or be more organized; for others, it’s a heavy whisper telling us we are failing, worthless or beyond help. Regardless of its tone, shame is a poor motivator that only drives us further into isolation and despair. This season, I invite you to set that judgment aside and instead reach for two kinder tools: curiosity and self-compassion.
Curiosity allows us to pause and ask, "I wonder why I’m feeling this tension right now?" rather than saying, "I shouldn't be upset." When we approach our own hearts with this gentle inquiry, we open the door for self-compassion. This practice allows us to respond to our tension and anxiety with kindness rather than critique. It empowers us to set necessary boundaries, perhaps saying no to an event so we can say yes to our own sanity, treating ourselves with the same gentleness we would readily offer a friend.
While boundaries and compassion are vital, our souls ultimately long for something deeper than a manageable schedule or a conflict-free dinner. We try to fill our cups with cherished memories or family approval, but these things were never designed to bear the full weight of our soul’s needs. The true hope of Christmas is not found in the atmosphere of the season, but in the person of Jesus Christ.
Jesus came into a weary, chaotic world not to add to our to-do lists, but to be our Rest. He is the Light that breaks through the darkness of our trauma and the Peace that surpasses the frenzy of our schedules. He is the Messiah—the 'Anointed One.' This title signifies a Savior divinely chosen and set apart to heal the brokenhearted and restore us to God. For us, this means Jesus IS the promised fulfillment of God’s commitment to rescue us.
While we may hold this truth in our minds, we often fail to feel it in our bodies because our daily stressors feel so much louder than His quiet presence. This Christmas, remember that your hope does not rest on your ability to perform or 'keep it all together.' Let Jesus be enough for you. Your hope isn't found in how perfectly you manage family dynamics or how flawlessly you hold your new boundaries. Instead, your hope is anchored in the One who is sufficient to guide you through every challenge you face. He sees your exhaustion, He knows the depth of your wounds, and He is standing with you—right here, in the messy middle of it all."
To help you bridge the gap between knowing this truth and living it out, there are two small resources I recommend you carry with you this month.
First, I highly recommend the book "Try Softer" by Aundi Kolber. This is an excellent resource for those who are used to "white-knuckling" their way through this season. Kolber gently weaves together faith and psychology to help you move from survival mode into a place of true connection and rest in Christ.
Second, I encourage you to utilize a simple Breath Prayer. This is a way to center your body and spirit on God’s presence in mere seconds. Below are two options—choose the one that resonates with what your soul needs most today.
For the heart battling perfectionism:
Inhale: Prince of Peace, calm my spirit.
Exhale: I release the pressure to be perfect.
For the couple or individual carrying a heavy load:
Inhale: You are our Refuge and Strength.
Exhale: We cast our cares on You, for You are with us.
May you find moments of true compassion and joy this season, knowing you are held up by the One who knows you and deeply loves you right where you are.
Merry Christmas!
Jessica McDaniel, LPC-S
