How Trauma Shapes Our Relationships—and How God Heals
At McDaniel Counseling, one of the patterns we often explore with clients is how past trauma shows up in present relationships. Many of us learned to survive childhood pain by leaning into one or more of the four trauma responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn.
These responses are not random—they’re intelligent, God-designed ways our nervous system helps us survive threat. But when they form in homes marked by emotional neglect, instability, or abuse, they often become long-term patterns that no longer serve us.
In adult relationships, these trauma responses can quietly sabotage the connection we long for:
Fight might look like anger, control, or defensiveness. As a child, this may have been the only way to feel powerful when things felt out of control. As an adult, it can push people away.
Flight shows up as busyness, perfectionism, or emotional withdrawal—running from discomfort or the fear of not being good enough.
Freeze can mean shutting down, going numb, or struggling to speak when conflict arises. It can leave partners or friends feeling shut out.
Fawn is often people-pleasing—prioritizing others' needs to keep peace or avoid rejection, even when it costs you your own voice.
These responses were once adaptive. They helped you survive. But they can keep us stuck—reliving childhood dynamics in our marriages, parenting, friendships, or even our relationship with God.
The good news? These patterns are not permanent. They can be healed.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
This verse reminds us of God's posture toward us in our pain. He doesn’t shame our trauma. He doesn’t ignore our wounds. He comes close.
Many of us didn’t grow up with parents who knew how to comfort us, regulate their own emotions, or model healthy connection. But our Heavenly Father does. He sees the fearful child within us and offers tenderness, not criticism. He saves those who are crushed—not by demanding performance, but by drawing near in love.
Healing begins when we slow down and become curious about our reactions. We can ask:
What am I feeling right now—and why?
Is this response rooted in the present, or in something from the past?
What would it look like to let God meet me here, rather than handle it alone?
Over time, with awareness, support, and God’s nearness, we can move from survival to connection. We can learn to engage rather than react, to speak the truth in love rather than shut down or explode.
At McDaniel Counseling, we believe therapy can be a space where the Holy Spirit partners in healing—where old patterns lose their grip, and new ways of relating take root.
If this resonates with you, you're not alone. These responses are common. They make sense. And they can change.
God is already near. The journey of healing doesn’t begin with perfection—it begins with honesty and hope.
With grace,
Ryan McDaniel, LPC
McDaniel Counseling
